I am really scared. I made a confession last night to some friends, and that confession may get me kicked out of the group.
For the last several years, I’ve been a member TriEss (SSS, Society for the Second Self) … this is a group started for heterosexual crossdressers and their partners only, and as such, I certainly should not be a part of the group. The problem is that I have found acceptance and support in the group that I have not been able to find elsewhere.
When I joined Tri-Ess, I consided myself a cross-dresser, and therefore heterosexual. Deep down, I knew that I wasn’t strictly a cross-dresser; I knew that I was transsexual, but had high hopes of limiting myself to crossdressing, that it would be enough to calm the beast inside. A fool’s errand, to be sure.
As I kept attending the monthly meetings, I developed friendships with a couple of the members, and their wives. The chapter I belong to is made up of mostly older people, many older than I am … and to my knowledge at the time, nobody else was experiencing the internal turmoil that I was dealing with. That didn’t matter, though … because in that group, I found acceptance and a willingness to talk and listen that I just never found elsewhere.
When I finally found the courage to admit to one of the officers of the chapter that I was trans and was going to transition, she told me to stick around .. so I did. I gradually let out the secret that I was transitioning, and found immediate acceptance, especially by the wives who attended. They were so kind .. I have probably mentioned them earlier in this blog. It was a big deal for me, because my own wife at the time was in a strict “need to know, and I don’t need to know” mode — she did not want to hear about anything related to crossdressing.
I’ve been struggling with some related issues lately, and last night brought that up at the meeting. I am sure that I shocked a few of the group, and I definitely provided a perspective that is worthy of getting sent away. I only hope they will continue to have me .. there really isn’t a lot of support for a transperson of my age.